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27-year-old Confession: Growing up is a very disappointing thing.



It is now June 6, 2024, and I am 27 years old.

The idea of the weekly report came to me on my birthday two years ago, and I mentioned it in last year's summary. It has become a column and a ritual that I want to continue.

In the first year, I wrote 40 weekly reports, but last year there were only 20. The decrease was not only in quantity, but also in my own thinking, emotions, and desire to express. I often say that the weekly report is a medium for my life and desire to express. When my life is a mess, I can't write anything well. But it seems that there have been too many times this year when I was in a "bad state," or in other words, I have been too indulgent towards myself in this regard, which is terrifying.

I thought that as I grew older, each year would not have as many changes as when I just graduated. I even prepared myself to accept that life would eventually return to normal. But looking back on this whole year at this moment, many things have still happened.

The Moon and Sixpence#

There was a period of time when my senior sister went to the art studio to paint in the afternoon on weekdays. I envied two students who were chatting and painting attentively for several days, so I asked them what the secret was to be able to paint freely in the afternoon on weekdays. One of them shrugged and said, "Just endure poverty."

It seems that it is impossible for a person to look up at the moon and pick up coins at the same time.

But perhaps because I have been fortunate enough to be protected by the people around me during my growth, I have always been an idealistic person. What I have been pursuing seems to be not just job titles or income, but an environment and atmosphere that allows me to continue doing what I love, and a group of like-minded people who can treat each other sincerely and grow together.

I am also very disgusted with the so-called workplace culture. In my previous job, I would express my dissatisfaction directly in the all-hands meeting because of unreasonable client demands and project managers who were good at shifting blame. Many experienced seniors and friends would often remind me to be cautious or let go of these unrealistic obsessions, and advise me to seize more tangible and visible benefits. I understand and know that this is useful, but I cannot convince myself to do it.


Fortunately, everything I pursue is present in RSS3, and can be seen everywhere in my current team.

Shortly after my last birthday, I successfully passed the probation defense here, as described in a previous weekly report titled "Weekly Report #58 - One Year of Remote Work". The work itself has been busy and leisurely, ups and downs. Without realizing it, a year has passed, and I look forward to going further together.

The Little Prince and His Rose#

Shortly after my last birthday, I fell in love (see "Weekly Report #43 - In the Mood for Love"). It has been a year now, and just like the Little Prince and his rose, we have invested time in each other and made each other more important.


A few days ago, there happened to be an internal sharing session in the company. Instead of choosing a topic that I am more proficient in, such as tool usage or writing experience, I chose to share a more personal topic—age gap relationships. I realized that everything related to her is the source of my desire to share.

In this year, we have been to many places together. We have seen the waves in Bali, ridden camels in the Inner Mongolian desert, danced at the Beijing Beer Festival, soaked in the mountain spring water in Tangshan, and run barefoot and laughed on the beach in Anaya. We have also taken up many new things together, such as getting up at six or seven in the cold winter to attend private fitness classes, learning boxing for the first time, painting with oil paints for the first time, and surfing for the first time...

The experiences of this year are just like a poem by Rumi that I really like:

All I ask about is you,

Every step I take leads to you.

You are everywhere,

Wherever I hear a voice, wherever I look.

Growing Up is a Disappointing Thing#

From a worldly perspective, everything seems to be progressing smoothly. The big themes of work, love, and life that humans are given seem to be proceeding in an orderly manner, even too smoothly. As members of society and family, it seems that we are fulfilling our responsibilities. The older we get, the more gentle we seem to be towards the world, but the more we neglect ourselves.

"I'm in Kernel Panic."

This is my WeChat signature, which has been hanging there for a long time. It is a reminder to myself. And now, the reasons for panic still exist, and life still has many unexpected things. Whether it is introspection or seeking external help, I am still far from the ideal self. But it seems that I have made peace with this world, or rather, compromised with it, giving in to more practical and concrete things in life, such as family and social interactions.

When my senior sister and I were visiting relatives and toasting at a gathering in Inner Mongolia, we started to miss ourselves a few years ago. At that time, we had so much time to read the books we wanted to read, learn the things we wanted to learn, and become the person we wanted to be, instead of being confined here as symbols of society and family. Now, what we seek has not changed. My senior sister still wants to go to a place away from the crowd to paint, and I still want to stay at home and learn new technologies or develop products that I like. But we have learned how to play the role of a "good" member of society, but we have forgotten how to play the role of "ourselves."

When I realized this change, I felt a little sad, not because I have changed, but because this is what growth is, what family and friends call "you have matured." And growing up is, in itself, a disappointing thing.



But I am still very grateful to those who have cared about and paid attention to me in the past year, even though I no longer update weekly reports regularly. I even received blessings from a new reader I don't know early this morning. The message was not long, but it was warm and touching.

Indeed, growing up is a disappointing thing, but I am still willing to use the weekly report to record the days when everything was black and white, and when I never compromised. I also thank all of you for accompanying me during this time.

Happy 27th birthday to myself.

Special Event#

I have been using my blog to record my life for two years, leaving behind many memories and fortunately getting to know all of you. In the comments of this blog post, I will select 6 friends and send them small gifts that I have prepared, wishing you all happiness as well.

The drawing will continue until 23:59 UTC+8 on June 10th, and the results will be announced in the Telegram Channel "Yu's Life" and replied to in the selected comments. I will contact you at that time. Thank you again for your company.

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