Weekly Report #70 - The Disappearing Nearby, Burnout and Boreout

Preface#

weekly_review_20240901

This article is a record and reflection on the life of the week from 2024-08-19 to 2024-08-25.

Disappearing Neighbors#

disappear_neighbor

Probably because I spent seven or eight years of my childhood in my hometown, when I first moved to Hangzhou, there was also a group of peers in the community where I lived. I was somewhat of a "wild child".

In my hometown, needless to say, climbing trees, catching insects, and fishing in the river, breaking willow branches and vines to make bows and arrows or slingshots by myself. The world was vast, and it seemed that there was always my own joy. Even after I came to Hangzhou, when I was a child, I always looked forward to going out and shouting after dinner. There would be people to play roller skating and skateboarding with, walking around the streets and alleys, and going to the "wealthy" friend's house to watch him play Pocket Monsters (now known as "Pokemon").

But I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or the whole city has changed. It seems that there are few concepts of "neighbors" and "community" now. It's always one family, one household, one life. I don't even know what stores are near my home or what has happened.

When I was young and full of spirit, I naturally didn't care much. I had many classmates and friends. Every time I went out, it was always in bustling streets and districts. The "neighborhood" of life was too small to contain my colorful life.

However, in the past few years since leaving school, this feeling has become more apparent. Even though life has indeed become much richer than before, the feeling of loneliness in my heart has gradually increased. Many friends have drifted away. Everyone has new jobs, lives, and even families. Sometimes I don't know who to talk to when I'm happy or sad.

I also remember one time when I made an appointment with Zai in Beijing to play badminton together. We also had dinner together. We saw an arcade game hall in Heshenghui and played "Three Kingdoms" for more than an hour. Now we can afford to spend as many game coins as we want, and whether we can pass the game seems to be just a way to find the joy of our youth.

But we can't find it anymore.

Since this year, I have been going to Liangzhu more frequently to work with friends. Although the journey of more than half an hour is a bit tiring, the summer heat wave in Hangzhou is also discouraging. In this rare weekly experience, I seem to be able to regain some energy of life and the perception of "neighborhood" mentioned in the picture.

Burnout and Boreout#

One weekend a few weeks ago, a colleague suddenly asked me how I was doing recently and if something had happened. I was initially surprised because I felt everything was still normal. After chatting in detail, I realized that there was some deviation between my perception and the actual situation. I happened to come across this article - "Is it burnout or boreout?" - so I carefully reviewed my state in the past few months.

Burnout#

Some friends always ask me if I'm doing too many things at the same time, but I know that I'm not. Even deep down, I still feel anxious that I'm not doing enough or not doing well enough. Perhaps influenced by the "impostor syndrome," I always feel that I am not as talented and creative as my colleagues and friends. It seems that I always need to do extra things to fill the "feeling of unworthiness" in my heart.

Therefore, since university, I have always had a tendency to do multiple things at the same time. In the early stages of my career, this tendency brought me many benefits. I seemed to become the "study king" that others talked about, always doing more and learning more within my responsibilities, and thus achieving many good results.

However, starting from my internship until now, it has been more than three years of work. As my abilities have just met the requirements of the job, but sometimes it seems difficult to have some innovation, I have fallen into a painful state of "burning out," a kind of professional fatigue. It seems to have some workload, but it is far from reaching my capacity or limit. However, sometimes it makes anxiety and self-doubt wrap around my working hours:

Is this implementation solution correct?

Should I do more optimization based on this, but it seems that I don't have a good idea yet?

It seems that my colleagues can handle their own parts well. Should I be more proactive in finding my own position?

...

This kind of burnout state is cunning. It doesn't make me tired of the work itself but hides beneath the workload. Therefore, I don't even perceive it easily. Fatigue itself is an emotion that deprives me of enough energy to cope. It also erodes my sense of purpose and control, causing procrastination and errors in tasks, and then intensifying self-doubt.

Boreout#

In the first two years of work, everything was new. The positive feedback and stimulation brought by work tasks and technical learning were strong. But now, as long as I invest time, I can complete the work independently or in collaboration with colleagues. However, because the work content has become relatively stable, the satisfaction brought by ticking off one checklist after another is far less than learning a new language or framework. I seem to have fallen into a "boreout" state, doubting the work I do and the value I can contribute to this job.

After discussing my work status with colleagues, I have faced this issue in the past two weeks and feel that it has had some effect, coincidentally corresponding to the several solutions given in the article.

Align#

When I chose to join the current company and project, it was more because of its atmosphere and values. Over a year has passed, and the original reasons are still there. External forces are not the reasons for the change in my state. I should explore more internally.

Brainstorm#

I can't be considered a lone wolf personality, but I often find it difficult to bother others. Coupled with my introverted personality, I seem to play more of a follower role in group discussions. The lack of a sense of participation is sometimes the source of self-doubt. It seems that talking to colleagues about my own problems or working and participating in activities offline can absorb more enthusiasm and energy.

Experiment#

Try to make small changes in the way of working instead of following the original linear pattern. Not every time should "innovation" be the only goal (often resulting in a sense of frustration when it cannot be achieved). Sometimes, just changing some methods and exploring a little more during technical research seems to be enough to bring about some changes.

Interesting Things#

Input#

Although most interesting inputs are automatically synchronized in the "Yu's Life" Telegram channel, I still select some to list here, which feels more like a newsletter. I also set up a microblog using Telegram Channel messages as the content source - "daily.pseudoyu.com" for easier browsing.

pseudoyu