Weekly Report #53 - Three Blank Months, Life Drift, and Spring Festival

Preface#

This article is a record and reflection on life from 2023-12-04 to 2024-02-29.

A lot has happened in the past few months across various dimensions, making it somewhat difficult to start this weekly report, which was originally intended to document daily life and personal thoughts. It seems that this cannot be summarized in just one or two issues, and I also cannot simply record some mundane details without mentioning my feelings.

So, I gave myself a long break, long enough that I often opened the document with a blank mind, long enough that I began to doubt whether I still had the ability to be a "weekly report" blogger.

I always say that my writing comes from my life. When life is a mess, I cannot convey my feelings; yet I often procrastinate in sorting through and facing the ups and downs that life brings. On many weekend nights, I would convince myself, "Maybe in January, definitely before the New Year, maybe after the New Year, or even during the Lantern Festival," until this leap year day, February 29, which actually has no real connection to me but carries an inexplicable sense of ritual, finally prompted me to make up my mind to restart.

In fact, I have never lacked the desire to share; I just lack the courage to start over.

The "Blank" Three Months#

After much hesitation, I decided to start reflecting on the past three months according to the changes in time and mood.

In "Weekly Report #52 - The Humble Personality and Another Perspective on Relationships," I mentioned that my senior and I are very different people. Of course, the article describes more of the positive aspects brought about by these differences. Little did I know that the differences in thinking and behavioral habits brought about a lot of curiosity and mutual appreciation, but it also required the awareness to bear the costs of personality and value differences.

As for me, perhaps I had already realized this, but by allowing myself to immerse in a more concrete happy life, some rifts had quietly developed. Specific issues can always be discerned as right or wrong in the present or after emotions settle, but inevitably, some feelings have flowed away in the process. I often feel like a lucky person; whether in relationships or other connections, I can always receive a lot of tolerance, jokingly saying "I don't deserve it," while actually becoming accustomed to it. It wasn't until the contradictions erupted that I realized there was no luck at all; silence and tolerance were more like layers of armor brought about by the love I received, which would eventually have moments of breaking.

Thus, after experiencing the end of a relationship, honest and sharp conversations, physical and psychological separation, and the process of reconnecting and falling in love again, it seems that in just a few short months, I have traveled a long way, with mud and forks along the path. Fortunately, there is still trust and love for each other, and we have decided to walk hand in hand into the future.

Life Drift#

Compared to the previous half year when I often talked about "adjusting my life state," these past few months have been more about re-choosing the direction and focus of my life. I gave up my fixed residence in Hangzhou and began a true "semi-nomadic" lifestyle. While in Hangzhou, I often sought out homestays near Liangzhu to stay for a few days and participated in some activities at Yuniaojiji; now, after the New Year, I have also started a drifting plan, following the high-speed rail route from Hangzhou to Beijing that I have taken countless times, experiencing the atmosphere of different cities one stop at a time.

anhui_view

This idea originated from a high-speed train ride from Hangzhou to Beijing. I happened to look out the window and passed by Bengbu in Anhui, seeing such a stunning view. I realized that I had passed this place dozens of times and had seen it in various internet memes, yet I had never thought my life would intersect with it; perhaps I would never stop there in my lifetime.

It's not just about places; it's also about people. Some friends live not far away, just an hour or two away, and we always say during chats, "I'll come visit you when I have the chance," but it often stops at words. This mindset is due to the belief that there is always plenty of time ahead, only to regret it when a moment arrives.

chat_with_maggie

Last Christmas Eve, a colleague of mine, Maggie, passed away. In terms of communication frequency, we certainly couldn't be called close friends, but we had connected during a work chat when she calculated my fortune and opened up many personal topics. She shared stories about the scumbags she encountered in the financial industry; she excitedly told me she would be teaching at a Baptist university next year and asked how my school taught web3 when I was studying in Hong Kong; she carefully watched the interview I did with Polebug, saying she used to be an English major; she talked about her undercover experiences and journalistic ideals while working at Sina Finance; and so much more.

When I learned the news, I was in a state of numbness, as described by Camus in "The Stranger," until I later saw that she had posted on December 20, "My Oura reminded me that I actually have a fever." I remembered she had mentioned something when I asked her about gifts, and when I went back to check the records, all the emotions surged up at once, and I suddenly felt the reality of her departure; it was the loss of a real friend who often brought laughter.

After going through this period, it seems that the weight of life has changed somewhat.

I visited a high school buddy, Jianzi, who lives just three or four subway stops away in Beijing. We met up on weekends to play badminton a few times and invited him over for dinner. I also met up with a few college roommates who had scattered after graduation and thought we might never see each other again in various cities, reminiscing about the past few years; during the Spring Festival, I had dinner with high school friends, and after the New Year, I began drifting along the route of "Hangzhou -> Shanghai -> Huzhou -> Nanjing -> ...," meeting people and seeing sights along the way.

Spring Festival#

neimeng_with_boyi

This year's Spring Festival was particularly lively. I spent half the time following my senior to her hometown in Inner Mongolia and the other half bringing her to Hangzhou to meet my family and friends. The journey was hectic yet wonderful. Although I can't pinpoint exactly why, after this week, it seems I can feel a certain bond between us becoming tighter, and our interactions seem to have become more relaxed.

I have always believed that a person is composed of their personality, thoughts, and the environment in which they grew up. While I cannot accompany someone through their past, meeting the people they cherish or simply walking the paths they have walked feels like an exploratory journey to understand them, bringing more trust and courage, which is also an important part of love.

seal_from_boyi

During the Spring Festival, it also happened to be Valentine's Day, and my senior gave me a seal with my name engraved on it.

Adjusting Learning State#

duolingo_profile

After a period of busy work and a low state of life, I always felt somewhat powerless and distracted when trying to follow my learning plan, often feeling out of sorts. Additionally, I happened to see some interviews about Duolingo, so I registered for an account and picked up German, a second language I hadn't touched in years (as an English major, we need to choose another language as a second foreign language). Fortunately, some foundational knowledge was still there, and I discovered a lot of fun.

After some time, I gradually became able to settle down and spend a few hours learning new things, which can be considered a form of "self-cultivation" in language learning. The leaderboard feature also reveals human nature; when I see someone surpassing my rank during my lunch break, I will spend some time trying to reclaim it.

Others#

In fact, many other things have happened, but the time span is too long, and I don't know where to start.

Work has been enjoyable over the past few months. Since late last year, our team's core project has been fully open-sourced and decentralized. The development path has gradually become clearer with the white paper and various plans. We often have meetings lasting two to three hours to discuss details, yet we enjoy it. Open sourcing has also brought requirements for code quality and standards, leading to much growth.

I edited a life vlog titled "Life Travel Guide #01 | Sketching at the Old Summer Palace | Chaoyang Beer Festival | Inner Mongolia Trip | Anaya Anniversary," and I found the joy of creating videos again after a long time, which is also a way to preserve and record life in another form.

Life has restarted with this weekly report. I am grateful to the friends who have continuously left encouraging and caring messages on my blog during this time. Let's encourage each other.

Interesting Things and Items#

Input#

Although most interesting inputs will automatically sync in the "Yu's Life" Telegram channel, I still want to select a portion to list here, making it feel more like a newsletter.

Books#

The Monk and the Philosopher, some reflections on religion and philosophy; I just started reading it.
The Red and the Black, I saw an explanation in a video about Julien's self-esteem and the arrogance it manifests, which left a deep impression; currently reading.

Podcasts#

Working Colorfully, Moving Colorful Bricks

Articles#

Videos#

Movies#

Life Fruits, a documentary I saved a long time ago, tells the story of an elderly couple who were once architects. I was deeply impressed that the grandfather passed away during filming, and he only liked to use wooden spoons instead of metal ones while eating. Afterward, the grandmother would always place a meal in front of his portrait and put a wooden spoon there, a very simple yet warm narrative.
Want to See You, the only thing to mention might be that it fulfilled the regret of the drama's ending; everything else, whether in logic or rhythm, fell short.
Crossing the Angry Sea, the plot feels a bit weak, with some conflicts seeming deliberately manufactured and some "madness" feeling forced. However, the oppression, fear, pathological possessiveness, and impotent anger lingered with me long after the movie ended; the last time I felt something similar was with "A Sun."
Darkest Hour, timely transitions, tight music, and my favorite typewriter scenes immediately immerse you in that desperate moment. For the first time, I had an impression of Churchill beyond the few historical notes, and combined with what I had seen in "Dunkirk," I could feel the reality and weight of history.
Seoul Spring, too much deliberately presented heroism paired with a flat rhythm, which was somewhat disappointing, but the ending was unexpectedly real and bold.
The Year-End Party Cannot Stop!, I originally wanted to go to the cinema before the New Year, but I kept delaying until the source was released. It's a standard comedy, but the theme is quite new. Now that I have started working, I surprisingly found some realism in the humor.
Past Life, my favorite movie I've seen recently. It can be said that there is almost no plot, but the visuals, dialogue, and psychological descriptions are beautiful. It reminds me of a previous favorite series, "Normal People." Although the role is not prominent, Arthur is truly a real and warm person, a very attractive character.
Paris, Je T'aime, I probably watched it in my freshman year. Rebellion, passion, indulgence, and freedom to the extreme formed my initial definition of "romance." The scene of running in the Louvre still impresses me to this day.

Series#

Blossoms, I have always had high expectations for Hu Ge's dramas, and his temperament fits Bao Zong very well. Except for the somewhat hasty ending, it is one of the more impressive domestic dramas I have watched this year, with beautiful settings and cinematography!
Street Flavor, niche street food. It always feels like Southeast Asian food vendors have a sense of mission and belonging to their work, giving the food a soul.
Ancient Love Poetry, I intermittently watched it because I knew the director from film editing. However, I might have had too high expectations; after watching, I found it mediocre.
The Chef of the Geisha House, currently watching.
Queen of News, I have always been quite interested in news, so I watched it because it was popular. The rhythm was quite refreshing, but the character transformations in the last few episodes lacked some driving force, feeling like a hasty conclusion.
Workers, I previously watched "Silent Workers" and have always been fascinated by Taiwan's working culture. I was attracted by a Bilibili clip about Xiao Jie (although it mainly talks about his predecessors). Even in small segments, you can feel his clarity, sincerity, and kindness. While watching many plots, I couldn't help but feel anxious for the protagonists. "How could they be deceived again?" "Why are they so foolish?" Even at the end, I was frustrated by "Why do good people not get rewarded?" But this is the instinctive choice when facing hardship; it reflects how they seriously live, even if they think about making money every day, they still make admirable choices in the face of friendship and kindness.
Restart Life, a refreshing rebirth drama. Although the plot can be guessed from the beginning, the daily narrative and interspersed jokes are dense. While it may not be an ensemble piece, the main characters are well-developed.
Westworld, I have always looked forward to having a game like Westworld that approaches "thinking." I can probably imagine it as Minecraft with built-in GPT.

Anime#

K-On!, I might have started watching it after seeing it online. It's indeed very cute but not lonely at all; it's just surrounded by love.
Spy x Family Season 2, Anya is just too cute!
Jujutsu Kaisen, the setting and plot direction feel a bit like "Chainsaw Man," but the overall rhythm is quite good!

Music#

Jorge Regula by The Moldy Peaches
Get Us Back Again by dazeychain
Moments. by 8Bite
ハッピーエンド by back number
Eyes Closed by Ed Sheeran