Weekly Report #33 - Beijing x Story x Farewell

Preface#

This article is a record and reflection of my life from 2023-02-27 to 2023-03-07.

There have been significant changes in my life this week, and I will soon be leaving Beijing for various reasons. There are many things that need to be handled separately, so I haven't updated much on Twitter or the Telegram channel. Even GitHub has been blank for a long time.

But overall, it's a good trend. It has rescued me from the inertia of life and I have found that my mentality has changed a lot in the past half year. I used to go out once every few weeks, and I have been in Beijing for almost two years without going anywhere. I still have the same few friends, and I once felt uncomfortable when I returned to Beijing from Hangzhou, just after getting off the high-speed train. However, when I really have to leave this city, I find that there are still many people and things worth missing.

I visited an exhibition, had a few drinks, had several meals, met some people, and had many interesting experiences.

Beijing x Stories x Farewell#

tokyo_love_story

My favorite Japanese drama is called "Tokyo Love Story," which was released in 1991 or 1992. It's a very old drama, and I really like the feeling of a few people being able to depict all the impressions of a city. Of course, I mainly love Rika, and I always see myself in her character.

In my more than twenty years of life, I have had some contact with a few cities, even with Hangzhou where I have lived for more than ten years. However, I have never felt that the city itself has left much of an impression or sense of belonging. It's always about the people. I wrote about Wuhan in the previous article, and this time let's talk about Beijing. Although I can't say that I like it, as I have experienced a lot here, it is still worth writing about. Its significance to me may be far more than just love, so I named it "Beijing x Stories x Farewell."

I never thought that I would have so much connection with this city. The only impression I had before was in November 2018 when I went to the Beijing Exhibition Center for a trade show. I started from Wuhan and underestimated the temperature. When I got off the train, I was shivering in the wind. It was definitely not a good impression.

The next time was in 2021, when I was about to graduate. I started considering working in Beijing more or less due to emotional factors. I didn't think too much about it, but with a good opportunity, I decided to stay here temporarily for the next two years.

I seem to have never had much attachment to cities. I often think that it's not a bad thing to feel at home anywhere. However, the sense of dilapidation when I came out of Beijing West Railway Station and the heat of the summer did not change my impression much. Then I found a house, started working, and commuted between two points. Everything seemed to happen naturally.

It seems that I have always had some luck. The landlord is very nice and allows me to keep a cat. Besides collecting rent, they never bother me. But whenever there is a problem at home, they always come right away. The company was originally an hour's drive away, but half a year later, it moved to Sanlitun, where there are many places to eat, drink, and have fun, and it only takes 40 minutes to commute to work. My leader gave me a lot of freedom, and I have been exploring during this year. Experienced colleagues take care of me at work and we often work overtime and have meals together, which reduces the sense of confinement in the work environment that occupies most of my time. The product and testing colleagues in the meeting room are also interesting. They always say, "Don't frown. If you have any worries, talk to us, the sisters." They even gave me a Bumblebee toy on my birthday. Although the projects are often difficult, each project allows me to meet like-minded people, and I have made many personal connections during the difficult times between the client and the agency.

Luck is always limited, or perhaps my past self has used up some of my future luck.

During the two months of staying at home due to a breakup and the pandemic, I lost 10 kilograms and could only rely on melatonin to sleep for two or three hours a day. There were times when I was dissatisfied with my work and life, and I would be anxious until late at night before falling asleep, and soon after, I would have insomnia and stare into space. There were also times when I drank a lot at company project dinners, took a taxi home, and woke up in the middle of the night lying in a corner of the community without knowing how many hours I had slept. I forced myself to clean up the mess in the room and even spent hundreds of yuan to redeem my phone that I had lost on the road.

In these somewhat unfortunate moments, I couldn't help but think, why bother? Why stay in a place that seems to always evoke memories? Why stay in a place where I seem to have no motivation to go out? Why stay in a place where I don't know who to call for help if something unexpected happens? Why bother?

For a while, I stayed at home and it seemed that it didn't matter which city I was in. Even the change of seasons became somewhat blurred. Even now, I haven't been to the Forbidden City, the Summer Palace, or Universal Studios. It feels like I'm just a long-term lodger in this city. Until I have to leave this city, I still don't have much attachment to it. I just gradually have more cherished people and memories. Maybe I still haven't gotten used to farewells, and the closer the predetermined time approaches, the heavier my mood becomes.

Life is often like randomly drawn lines, sometimes sparse, sometimes dense, some intersecting, some going in the opposite direction. But perhaps these together make up the true appearance of life. The older you get, the more life gradually reveals its true face, which is real, cruel, and must be faced.

Interesting Things and Objects#

Input#

Although most interesting inputs are automatically synchronized in the "Yu's Life" Telegram channel, I will list some of them here, which feels more like a newsletter.

Articles#

Podcasts#

Here are some podcasts I have been listening to:

Vol. 85 Tech Happy Planet 15: ChatGPT is Popular Worldwide

Videos#

Similarly, here are some interesting videos I have watched:

Movies#

Spirited Away, I really like Karin Kagami. The seaside town and ordinary daily life are hard not to associate with the sadness of Hirokazu Kore-eda's films. Chihiro redeems and warms the people around her, but her own life always remains detached, with a sense of loneliness like Camus' "The Stranger."

Personal Life Highlights#

yu_pressure_and_song

I used to think that I had a stable mentality, but when something I wanted to succeed in appeared in my life, I realized that I still get anxious and need to listen to music constantly to relieve it.

Perhaps because my life has gradually become stable after work, I haven't had much emotional fluctuation. I haven't even felt the feeling of anxiety for a long time because I have become accustomed to putting myself under high pressure. Recently, however, I truly experienced extreme anxiety. Maybe it's because it's something I really want to achieve, and it's hard to treat it with a calm mind.

bar_with_rain

Fortunately, it ended well. When the stone in my heart finally fell, I realized that I had accumulated so much pressure. I went to a bar with friends and drank one glass after another, as if I wanted all the pressure to dissipate with alcohol.

meal_with_homura

Had a meal with @RealAkemiHomura * 2 and had a long chat. Although I always think that I'm not very social, I realized that there are still some people I want to meet, just before leaving Beijing.

tiao_hai_exhibition

The weekend was also exceptionally rich. I went out for barbecue with a friend from the client side of a previous project. On the way back, we were attracted by a comic exhibition we happened to see. It was an interesting event that we unexpectedly encountered. Then we watched the girls dancing for the whole afternoon. As someone with social anxiety, I met with two friends of my senior schoolmate in the evening, and it seemed that things were getting better. I was very happy. After dinner, we went to a sea-themed bar to see a personal art exhibition of my senior schoolmate's friend in the studio. I even won a mini print of one of the paintings in a lucky draw. It was also a very interesting experience.

With the theme of this personal art exhibition, "Break Out of Life," it seems that I have found my expectations for everything through this way. Life itself may bring many difficulties, but it ultimately requires the courage to break through.

This reminds me of a quote from "The Book of Time":

Young man, your duty is to level the land, not to worry about time. What you do in March and April will have answers in August and September.

I remember it was originally about solar terms, and now it happens to be March and April, which is quite fitting.

In conclusion, although I didn't do anything serious this week, I still enjoyed eating, drinking, and having fun.