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Weekly Report #33 - Beijing x Story x Farewell



This article is a record and reflection on the life of the week from 2023-02-27 to 2023-03-07.

There have been significant changes in life this week, and I am about to leave Beijing for some reasons. There are many things that need to be handled separately, so there have been very few updates on Twitter and Telegram channels, and even GitHub has appeared with long blank spaces.

But overall, it is a good trend, rescuing myself from the inertia of life, and I have found that my mentality has changed a lot in the past half year. Originally, I would only go out once every few weeks. I have been in Beijing for almost two years and have not been anywhere. I still have only a few friends. I once felt uncomfortable when I returned to Beijing from Hangzhou by high-speed train. However, when I really had to leave this city, I found that there are still many people and things worth missing.

I visited an exhibition, had a few drinks, had several meals together, met some people, and had many interesting things.

Beijing x Stories x Farewell#


My favorite Japanese drama is called "Tokyo Love Story," from 1991 or 1992. It's a very old drama, and I really like the feeling that a few people can outline all the impressions of a city. Of course, the main reason is that I really like Rika. I always see myself in her character.

In my more than twenty years of life, I have had some contact with a few cities, even for Hangzhou, where I have lived for more than ten years, I have never felt that the city itself has brought me much impression or belonging. It's still about the people. I mentioned Wuhan in the previous article, and this time let's talk about Beijing. Although I can't say that I like it, after all, I have experienced a lot here, and it is still worth a themed article. Its significance to me may be far more than just love, so I named it "Beijing x Stories x Farewell."

I never thought that I would have so much connection with Beijing. The only impression I had before was in November 2018 when I went to the Beijing Exhibition Hall for an exhibition. Because I traveled from Wuhan, I underestimated the temperature and was shivering when I got off the train, which was not a good impression.

The next time was in 2021, near graduation, and I started to consider working in Beijing more or less due to emotional factors. I didn't think too much about it, and with a good opportunity, I decided to stay here temporarily for the past two years.

It seems that I have never had much obsession with cities. I often feel that it's not a bad thing to feel at home anywhere in the world. But the sense of dilapidation when I came out of Beijing West Railway Station and the heat of summer did not change my impression much. Then I looked for a house, started working, and worked in a place far away from the city center. Everything seemed to happen naturally.

It seems that I still have some luck. The landlord is very nice and allows me to keep a cat. Apart from collecting rent, they never bother me. But whenever there is a problem at home, they always come immediately. The company was originally an hour's drive away, but half a year later, it moved to Sanlitun, where there are many places to eat, drink, and have fun, and it only takes 40 minutes to commute to work. My leader gave me a lot of freedom, and I have been exploring during this year. Experienced colleagues take care of me at work and we often work overtime and have meals together, which reduces the sense of confinement in the work environment that occupies most of my time. The product and testing colleagues in the meeting room are also interesting. They always say, "Don't frown. If you have any worries, tell us, sisters." They even gave me a Bumblebee toy on my birthday. Although the projects are often difficult, each project allows me to meet like-minded people, and I have a lot of personal connections even after going through the difficult period of the client and the service provider.

Luck is always limited, or perhaps the past me has overdrawn some of my future luck.

I have experienced a period of losing weight due to a breakup and the pandemic, not going out for two months and losing 10 pounds, and only relying on melatonin to sleep for two or three hours a day. There were times when I was dissatisfied with my work and life, and I was anxious until late at night before falling asleep, and soon after, I had insomnia and stared blankly. There were also times when I drank a lot at a company project dinner, took a taxi home, and slept in a corner of the community for a few hours before waking up. I had to force myself to clean up the mess when I woke up. I even spent hundreds of yuan to redeem my phone that I lost on the road from the old man in the community.

In these somewhat unfortunate moments, I can't help but think, why bother? Stay in a place that seems to always evoke memories, stay in a place where I seem to have no motivation to go out, stay in a place where I don't know who to call for help if something happens to me. Why bother?

For a period of time, I stayed at home, and it seems that it doesn't matter which city I am in. The change of seasons has become somewhat blurred. Even now, I haven't been to the Forbidden City, the Summer Palace, or Universal Studios. It feels like I am just a long-term lodger in this city. Until I have to leave this city, I still don't have much attachment to this city. I just gradually have more cherished people and memories. Maybe I still can't get used to farewells, and the closer the scheduled time approaches, the heavier my mood becomes.

Life is often like randomly drawn lines, sometimes sparse, sometimes dense, some intersect, some go in the opposite direction. But perhaps these together constitute the original appearance of life. The older you get, the more life gradually reveals its true face, real, cruel, and unavoidable.

Interesting Things and Objects#


Although most interesting inputs are automatically synchronized in the "Yu's Life" Telegram channel, I will list some of them here, which feels more like a newsletter.



Here are some podcasts that I have been listening to:


Similarly, I have recorded some interesting videos that I have watched:


  • Spirited Away, I really like Karin Kagami. The seaside town and ordinary daily life are hard not to associate with the sadness of Hirokazu Kore-eda's films. Chihiro redeems and warms the people around her, but her own life is always like Albert Camus' "The Stranger," detached and always with a sense of loneliness.

Personal Life Highlights#


I used to think that my mentality was quite stable, but when something I wanted to succeed in appeared in my life, I really became anxious and had to listen to music constantly to relieve it.

Perhaps because my life has gradually become stable after work, I don't have much emotional fluctuation. Even because I am used to putting myself under high pressure, I haven't experienced the feeling of anxiety for a long time. Recently, I truly experienced this extreme anxiety, perhaps because it is something I really want to achieve, and it is difficult to treat it with a calm mind.


Fortunately, it ended well. When the stone in my heart finally fell, I realized that I had accumulated so much pressure. I went to a bar with friends and drank one glass after another, as if I wanted all the pressure to dissipate with alcohol.


Had a meal with @RealAkemiHomura * 2 and had a long walk. Although I always feel that I am not very social, I realized that there are still some people I want to meet before leaving Beijing.


The weekend was also exceptionally rich. I went out for barbecue with a friend from the client of a previous project, and when I was about to leave, I was attracted by a comic exhibition I happened to see downstairs. It was an interesting event that happened unexpectedly. Then I watched the dancing of some girls for the whole afternoon. As a late-stage social anxiety sufferer, I met with two friends of my senior schoolmate in the evening, and it seems that things have improved a bit, which makes me very happy. After dinner, I went to a sea-themed bar and saw a personal art exhibition of a friend of my senior schoolmate in the painting studio. I even won a mini version of one of the paintings in the lucky draw. It was also a very interesting experience.

Taking advantage of the theme of this personal art exhibition, "Breaking Out of Life," it seems that I have found my expectations for everything through this way. Life itself may bring many difficulties, but it ultimately requires the courage to break through.

This reminds me of a quote from "The Book of Time":

Young man, your duty is to level the land, not to worry about time. What you do in March and April will have answers in August and September.

I remember it was originally about solar terms, and now it happens to be March and April, which is quite appropriate.

In conclusion, although I didn't do anything serious this week, I still enjoyed eating, drinking, and having fun.

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