Preface#
This article is a record and reflection of my life from October 28th to October 31st, 2022.
Because the previous weekly report was updated very late, this issue seems particularly short in terms of time span, but it is also significant due to a major change in life.
After a three-day trip to a cattery and a lot of hesitation from Friday to Sunday, I brought home a silver point kitten (haven't decided on a name yet) that I found very appealing. I have once again started a life with a cat.
Him and His Cat#
This title comes from an anime called "She and Her Cat," and there is a line that left a deep impression on me:
I have been searching for her traces, searching for the reasons why she is searching for me. - "She and Her Cat"
I have always liked cats. I had the idea of owning one when I saw the cute stuffed cat in a coffee shop in a distant year of 2016. However, it seems that I have never seriously thought about having a cat or a life with a cat before my previous relationship. Maybe I have the passion and patience for cats, but I always feel that I am not prepared to be responsible for a new life companion, as my own life is often a mess. How can I dare to take responsibility for its entire life? I have seen a sentence before, simple but somewhat heart-wrenching.
A cat may only be a small part of your life, but you are its whole life.
After settling down in Beijing and having a stable job, the idea of "having a cat" seemed to come naturally. I spent a weekend visiting several catteries and quickly decided on a cute kitten named Xiaoshu, who caught my eye. It was like being a new parent, curious and nervous about everything related to this new companion.
Days passed by, and it seemed like it had become a routine, but it was not as taken for granted as it seemed. In the past, there had been stages where I considered daily life as a habit. When I thought I had changed myself and everything, I realized that it was mostly self-satisfaction.
I also feel ashamed to say that in the previous period of cat ownership, I enjoyed the role more. I looked forward to it when I was busy and tired, accompanied it when I was in pain and depressed, and found solace in it when I was joyful. But when it came to taking care of many details about the cat, it seemed that I didn't pay much attention. Even now, I find it difficult to accurately say the brand of cat food and canned food that Xiaoshu likes, so I can't consider myself competent.
Things happened naturally afterwards, as mentioned in a previous "Weekly Report #08 - Career Talk, 404 Not Found, and Cats" post:
Honestly, I never thought about having a cat before being with her. I probably thought that I, who couldn't take care of myself well, had no qualifications to be responsible for another living being. But when there was a new member in the family, I gradually discovered that I enjoyed this kind of dependence and being relied upon. It seemed that life had gained many more goals.
After she left, Xiaoshu was taken away as well. Although I often jokingly told my friends that I was "left with nothing," I knew that I didn't take care of Xiaoshu as well as she did. It was a reasonable choice, but it made me twice as sad when I remembered the past.
After watching the documentary "Cat's Thoughts" last night, I learned more about the thoughts and details of cats that I had previously ignored. I also vaguely had the idea of getting another cat. But it felt like a betrayal to Xiaoshu, and I still couldn't prepare myself to take care of a new member properly. It is difficult to say that it is a responsible choice to welcome a new member when I need it.
Maybe one day in the future.
The "one day in the future" mentioned has arrived.
Distant things appear small and blurry, while things nearby are very clear. Memories are the same. Distant memories are very vague, but recent events can be remembered clearly. It should be like this. But recently, I can vividly recall the past. - "She and Her Cat"
Originally, I thought this day would be far away, and I would need to truly accept the past before I could do it. I thought I would need to be able to say "let it go" before I could face it calmly. However, it turned out not to be the case. The more I wanted to forget, the clearer the memories became.
I often receive comfort or wishes to "cherish the present," but for me, it is a cunning word. All the experiences in the past make up who I am now, and both the past and the present are worth cherishing. I don't want to abandon a complete self just because I want to get rid of negative emotions. I will continue to live with this mindset.
It is difficult to say whether I am truly prepared psychologically, in various senses, or if my thoughts are clear. However, I feel that I should be able to accept a new life companion now, or rather, I need this kind of mutual companionship. I also mentioned it in the "Weekly Report #14 - Stalled Life and Self" post:
October 10th was the day when I first brought Xiaoshu home. The time spent lying under the sofa for a few hours, luring her out with cat food, and the joy of her first time in my arms are still vivid in my mind. As this day approaches, I can't help but feel more and more sad.
Owning a cat is probably something that requires a lot of effort to do well. I used to think that we were taking care of the cat, providing her with a comfortable living environment. But now I realize that I need her. I probably will consider getting another cat earlier. When I can return to Beijing, I will go to the cattery I visited before and see if I can add some anticipation and tenderness to my life.
At this moment, I am grateful that I set the flag to write this weekly report. By recording these thoughts and the self behind them, I can find some answers to my questions.
Although the journey of wanting to get another cat has been going on for a long time, making a firm decision is more like a sudden thought. After work on Friday, I went to the cattery near the company that I had booked. I originally wanted to choose a Ragdoll cat similar to Xiaoshu, but I was attracted by a small silver gradient cat. Maybe it was because of her blue, crystal-clear eyes, or maybe because she obediently lay on my legs as soon as she came. She was quiet and gentle.
Because of the arrangement of a business trip, I hesitated a lot. I thought I might have to wait until the end of December to bring her home, afraid of missing important companionship stages and worried about the discomfort she might experience during the journey and in a new environment. It seems that I start to consider many things at such times.
I still went to the cattery in Changping as planned on the weekend to see the Ragdolls. Because it was far away, I started reading Haruki Murakami's book "My Profession is Novelist" on the way.
He talked about his experience right after graduation, and it suddenly struck a chord with my feelings. It seems that I haven't had this warm and anticipatory feeling for a long time. It turns out that I need companionship more than I imagined.
After understanding the rules for cross-province pet transportation and having some communication with the company, I decided to bring her home immediately and start a new life with a cat again. It's really strange. Everything seems to be the same, but in the taxi on the way home, I chatted with the driver absentmindedly. I occasionally glanced at the cat in the pet carrier. Suddenly, I felt that life was flowing again. The scenery outside the window was still the unfamiliar Beijing, but I felt a sense of belonging in my heart.
Others#
This section will record my input and output, as well as other interesting things.
Input#
Books#
- My Profession is Novelist: Currently reading. Murakami's writing is really interesting, a mix of reality and self-ridicule.
- Computer Architecture: A Quantitative Approach (6th Edition): Currently reading. It's a bit challenging.
- Programming in Lua, Fourth Edition: Finished watching the video, using the book to consolidate.
- Common Sense: Currently reading. It turns out that I couldn't finish reading it in one go during the trip.
- The Crowd: A Study of the Popular Mind: Revisited it, and the part about entering a group and easily losing intelligence or ignoring the wrong parts of one's behavior is quite thought-provoking. Some parts are worth referencing, but it has a strong personal bias. Whether a malicious group is worth saving is also something worth thinking about.
- Five Kinds of Time: I came across this book after watching a video by Xiaolu. I belong to the group of people who pursue time management, knowledge management, and the like, but I couldn't find anything beneficial in this book. The theoretical part is too experiential, making it difficult to understand the experiences and thinking logic behind these experiences. Adler's dialogical thinking method in "The Courage to Be Disliked" would be much better for this part. The methodology part presents a fancy "garden model," but it is difficult to have any reference.
TV Series#
- Quiet Snow: Watched until the fourth episode and suddenly felt very sad, although it was expected. I felt sorry for Coudou (maybe I empathize too much).
- Outer Banks: Currently watching.
Anime#
- She and Her Cat: A short film that is short but leaves a deep impression. I revisited it because of the title of the weekly report, and it particularly resonates with me as someone who just got a new cat. A cat may only be a small part of your life, but you are its whole life. Owning a cat is probably something that requires a lot of effort to do well. I used to think that we were taking care of the cat, providing her with a comfortable living environment. But now I realize that I need her.
Games#
- Persona 5 Royal: I have been looking forward to it for a long time, and it finally came out on the Switch. But I only played the guided part. The art style, music, and gameplay design are all amazing. Sometimes, I enjoy having it as background music while doing other things. I don't know when I will be able to fully experience it.