pseudoyu

Preface#

This article is a record and reflection on my life from September 13th to September 18th, 2022.

It has been a busy week for me, as I have been juggling multiple projects and haven't had much time for input. I had to work overtime on the weekend, but I didn't want to stay at home all the time, so I went out and unexpectedly discovered a nice café where I spent a pleasant day.

Cyberspace#

I learned about the concept of "Cyberspace" from Reorx's article "Sharing My Footprints: Automation." The original quote is:

Cyberspace constitutes my spiritual world.

It's hard not to agree with this description.

I don't know when exactly, but I can clearly feel my dependence on information from the online world. It may be different from gaming addiction or the often criticized algorithmic opium of short videos. My dependence is not about mindlessly scrolling or escaping from anxiety, but rather a craving for information and even internalizing it as a way of life.

One of the inevitable challenges of relying on the online world is the struggle with social media and algorithms. On the one hand, I need to avoid being overwhelmed by anxiety-inducing information or the "peer pressure" of my social circle. On the other hand, I need to be wary of the information cocoon constructed by algorithms.

To be honest, it's quite difficult to achieve this balance. Even though I have some self-control and consciously filter information, it's still hard to avoid being disturbed or guided by it. In the end, I adopted a simple yet effective approach - disabling the entrance to WeChat Moments (a social media feature) and most app notifications.

It was probably one evening during my junior year when I disabled the entrance to WeChat Moments. The specific context and motivation have become somewhat blurry, but this random act has miraculously become a habit that I have persisted with to this day. I want to clarify that it doesn't mean I no longer pay attention to my friends or people around me. After disabling WeChat Moments, I often click on their profiles to see their recent updates when I think of them during certain periods. It may lead to a conversation based on some content.

It may sound unnecessary compared to an instant red dot notification. We have to go through the cumbersome process of "thinking of a specific person/event -> finding the chat box -> clicking on the profile picture -> viewing Moments -> understanding recent updates." But for me, it's like a metaphorical sense of ritual. This deliberately created inconvenience constantly reminds me of the effort required to maintain a relationship. Gradually, I have fewer friends, but the ones who remain are more important.

In the past two years, I have made some other changes as well. I have disabled notifications for most apps except instant messaging apps (WeChat, Telegram) and email. I have also limited the number of non-social platforms (such as Bilibili, Weibo) that are primarily used for information retrieval to less than 100. If I want to add a new one, I optimize the existing ones and reduce the interference of irrelevant content.

My Information Flow#

Inspired by Reorx's article on automation workflow and the subsequent article on building a self-hosted n8n automation platform with Railway and Supabase](https://reorx.com/blog/0-cost-self-hosted-n8n-with-railway-and-supabase/), I have also built my own automated information flow platform using n8n and Telegram - Yu's Life.

Referring to Reorx's list, I have also organized my own input and output sources:

• Telegram: Collects my scattered information input and output from various platforms. Recently, I have also been sharing my thoughts on movies, books, and other topics in the channel. I also follow some channels and groups to get information or meet like-minded people, and occasionally manually forward content.
• Blog: Currently, this is the output channel that I put the most effort into maintaining. It has become more like a life journal.
• Twitter: This is currently the main social media platform I use. It is also a medium for sharing my thoughts and getting to know interesting friends.
• Instagram: I recently decided to start using it again. I mainly want to share my photography and daily life.
• YouTube: I am also a heavy user of this platform. I watch a lot of technology-related tutorials and digital news, and occasionally come across interesting content.
• Bilibili: I mainly follow some creators that I have been following for many years. I watch a lot of travel videos, but I only look at the updates and not the homepage or popular videos. I used to plan to have my own account, but I don't have any good ideas at the moment.
• Pinboard: A bookmark and website management tool. I have been using it for a few months and have saved a lot of important content. I rely on it heavily.
• Instapaper: A tool for managing read-later articles, mainly for saving high-quality or long articles.
• GitHub: I browse it daily, looking at some good projects and using lists to manage my starred repositories.
• Apple Music: My daily music streaming app (convenient because I have the whole Apple ecosystem), but the interaction with playlists and such feels mediocre.
• YouTube Music: I have a subscription to YouTube Premium, so I have access to this app as well. I don't use it much, but occasionally use it for searching.
• Spotify: I mark good songs that I discover on the aforementioned music apps and they automatically sync to my channel.
• Douban: I use it to keep track of books, TV shows, movies, anime, and games. I use it heavily and I'm trying to write reviews for everything I have read/watched/played.
• Weibo: I rarely post on it, but I still follow some acquaintances. Occasionally, I will synchronize and share some updates, but I don't have much motivation.
• WeChat Moments: I post my photography and articles that I'm happy with. It's basically a way to prove that I'm still alive, but not very frequent.

I have a kind of obsession with organizing information. When I see these scattered traces of numbers collected in my personal space, I feel genuine happiness. When I look back on these records while writing my weekly report, I can pick up many interesting points. I hope to accumulate more and more things in the future.

Self-Definition and Boundaries#

This weekend, I was a bit rebellious and watched two teenage movies, "The Breakfast Club" and "Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter... and Spring." They are both old movies. They share similar themes with "Dead Poets Society," which I have watched several times. They explore the persistence of individuality, the recognition and resistance against authority, and the impact of boundaries on life and future possibilities. However, compared to the latter, these movies are more lighthearted and humorous.

As I gain more experience, I may no longer be timid when facing life and changes. I often make different choices. But even now, I still feel that I am a person defined by internal boundaries, and I use this way of thinking and habits to define everything around me.

I don't consider myself a person with strong "creativity," so I instinctively avoid related matters or choices. I consider "kindness" and "politeness" as my labels, so I often hesitate to disrupt them in communication. "Rationality" and the necessary "persistence" often make concessions. I may be willing to take responsibility for some seemingly crazy choices, but I have already evaluated the costs and whether I can bear them in my heart, so I lack the courage to truly "take risks."

The same applies to family, friendship, and intimate relationships. It seems that I have defined each relationship in my heart and believe that I am abiding by the boundaries. But in reality, emotions are not so clear-cut. I consciously or unconsciously ignore this fact, yet I still feel that I am maintaining a balance.

Subtle changes have occurred in some of my relationships this week, and my initial reaction was confusion. It's like facing the instinctive fear of change. While overcoming it, it's also difficult to immediately sort out my emotions and thoughts. This state can be described as "emotional overload." In the process of repeated contemplation, I often wonder if I have been too fixated on the boundaries themselves and neglected the real changes in emotions and feelings, or if boundaries are indeed a self-protective mechanism.

It's tough.

Others#

This section will record my input and output, as well as other interesting things.

Input#

Books#

• Currently reading "Bullet in the Brain".
• Currently reading "The Details of the Rule of Law".

TV Shows#

• Watching "Five Days: Hospital", which tells the story of the Hurricane Katrina in the United States. It inevitably reminds me of some events during the Wuhan epidemic. I don't have enough knowledge of medical ethics or law to judge the legitimacy of euthanasia in emergency situations. However, I did see the arrogance of politicians, the reality of human nature, and the insignificance of ordinary people in it. As mentioned in the show, without personal experience, one often lacks the qualifications to judge right from wrong.

Movies#

• Watched "The Breakfast Club". The nostalgic atmosphere and themes may remind me of "Dead Poets Society," but it's more lighthearted and fun. The perspective of the students, the limited setting, and the abundance of dialogue make it easy to immerse oneself. The rebellion against authority (family, school) and the innate fear are portrayed naturally. The collective monologue at the end also brings a smile - a group of teenagers who refuse to be defined.

Anime#

• Watching "Cyberpunk: Edgerunners". The plot is quite conventional, and I'm not a fan of the art style, but some character designs and background art are decent. Maybe because I haven't played the game, I don't have much immersion in the world and characters. It's a decent game-related anime.

• Watching "Summer Wars". Currently following.