pseudoyu

Preface#

This article is a record and reflection on my life from August 16th to August 21st, 2022. Work was not as busy this week, and I had more time to communicate and dine with colleagues. Although I didn't have much time at home, overall it was quite relaxing. August feels like the summer vacation we had before, and I don't feel guilty about it. However, I still managed to read some books and made my reading time, frequency, and methods more regular.

There were some depressing things happening in my emotional life (or maybe it's more appropriate to call them memories) during the week, but after a few days of adjustment, I felt slightly better. I'm a bit worried about my own state of mind, and I'm considering whether or not to (re)adopt a cat.

Career Talk#

Last week, I listened to episode 65 of "Kernel Panic × Feng Yanfengyu: What Would We Do If We Weren't Programmers?" and it resonated with me. Unlike the guests on the show, I stumbled upon the path of being a programmer. In my relatively short life, I have experienced several turning points, like different timelines, and I often wonder if the parallel version of myself in another world is happier or equally confused.

I have never had any grand ideals. Since I was young, I never dreamed of becoming a "scholar of xx." The most realistic dream I had was to be a teacher, but after spending a few years with an unfriendly homeroom teacher, I lost most of my interest. It's not that being a teacher is a bad profession, but I was afraid of becoming that kind of adult.

As I read and wrote more in high school, I also had dreams of becoming an independent writer or journalist. Maybe there was some childish sense of justice and heroism, but overall, I didn't have any grand or noble ideas. I simply thought it would be a happy thing to turn my hobbies of reading and writing into my profession.

During a volunteer teaching program I participated in after the college entrance examination, I met real international journalists, which filled my imagination of future careers. However, as I grew older, I gradually felt that I lacked imagination as a writer, and I lacked courage as a journalist. Perhaps this is the price of growing up. I can no longer loudly proclaim my so-called "ideals," and I have to admit and face my own shortcomings.

Fortunately, I was able to transfer to an English major, and I didn't feel like I was wasting time when I was confused about the future. In my freshman and sophomore years, I didn't think too much about the future. I just kept learning various software like Photoshop and Premiere in my spare time and actively participated in various clubs and organizations, becoming a so-called "tech geek" in the liberal arts college.

The logic of using most software is not complicated, "I have nothing else, only my hands are skilled." Slowly, I had an idea that creating might be more interesting than just using. So I started learning coding with Python, took many detours, and went through a stage where I could only solve exercises after months of learning and couldn't complete any complete projects. I have been exploring and gradually reaching a certain level.

At that time, I didn't consider it as my career goal. I just thought I was doing something interesting and cool. In my junior year, I started learning photography out of curiosity. I bought a Sony A7M3 mirrorless camera (which I still use) and documented some landscapes and people during my internships and business trips.

My photography mentor at that time was a deep journalist and documentary director. He didn't teach me the principles of composition or how to adjust parameters, but he subtly conveyed to me that even a simple photo should have a theme in mind when shooting, just like telling a story implicitly. All composition, color tones, and effects should serve this story. This has had a lasting impact on me.

After my internship, I started my own video studio at school, undertaking the recording and editing of promotional videos and online courses. I started with lighting, set design, green screens, and experienced various aspects of this industry, but I eventually felt that the joy was not enough, so I gave up.

Towards the end of my college years, I considered becoming a product manager and also had some experience in related work. However, I still felt that my interest lies in "creating" and the satisfaction of completing something, rather than designing and outlining blueprints (while still feeling that I lacked enough creativity), so I didn't pursue it.

Finally, I changed my major and studied abroad, and now I am a somewhat qualified programmer. This is my current career path. Although there are many casual parts, I have truly experienced confusion, struggle, and frustration at each stage. I am fortunate to have the rewards of luck and hard work to be able to come this far, and I cherish it. I can't be sure that I will always be a programmer in the future, but I will probably be involved with coding to some extent. After all, it is the most interesting thing I have done so far, with endless exploration possibilities. The story continues, and who doesn't want to experience more diverse and interesting ways of life?

404 Not Found#

This may be a somewhat cryptic title.

In web pages, if the content no longer exists, a "404 Not Found" page is usually displayed to inform the user. I always thought it was cool. I even chose a 404 icon style for the bag I carry my power bank in. For a while, I added the Google dinosaur animation (Google Chrome browser has an offline jumping mini-game when accessing a website with a problem, providing some fun for visitors) to my introduction page.

I have always considered myself a person with a high tolerance for mistakes. I can calmly and even jokingly look at some small errors and mishaps, and I often take pride in this attitude. However, my emotions have encountered a 404 Not Found.

Actually, I did notice some traces of cleaning or disconnection, and I have gradually accepted some realities as time goes by. But when the 404 prompt appeared in front of me, I realized that the sting was much stronger than I had imagined, and it tore apart the facade of strength I had maintained for so many days.

I have always been more optimistic about relationships than other things, but now I have to admit that relationships come with their own tragic nature. The sweetness of the past has become a cage full of thorns that binds me, and I have lost the courage to move forward without touching it.

Cats#

To be honest, I never thought about having a cat before being with her. I probably thought that I didn't even take good care of myself, so how could I be responsible for another living being? But when there was an additional member in my home, I gradually discovered that I enjoyed the dependency and being depended upon, and it seemed like life had more goals.

After she left, Xiao Shu was taken away as well. Although I often jokingly tell my friends that I am "empty in both human and cat," I know that I didn't take care of Xiao Shu as well as I should have. Her choice is understandable, but it also doubles the sadness every time I think about the past.

After watching the documentary "A Whisker Away" last night, I learned more about the thoughts and details of cats that I had previously overlooked. I also vaguely had the idea of adopting another cat. But it feels like a betrayal to Xiao Shu, and I still haven't prepared myself mentally to treat a new member properly. It's hard to say that it's a responsible choice to welcome a new member when I need it.

Perhaps one day in the future.

Others#

This section will record my input and output, as well as other interesting things.

Learning#

I have been following my learning plan and reading some course materials. I finally finished watching the course on smart contracts (32 hours, so long!). However, because I am already familiar with contracts and there is a lot of repetitive code, I have done less hands-on coding. I plan to analyze some project source code this week, so the amount of code I wrote in the past two weeks is pitiful. I'm almost becoming a Markdown engineer.

Blog-related#

I still need to make some modifications to the Stablecoin-related article I wrote, but I haven't had the chance to do it due to my current state. I need to adjust and improve it in the next few days. I also plan to complete the following blog posts this week (I've been procrastinating for a long time):

1. Principles and Architecture of Cosmos
2. Basics and Practices of Docker
3. Basics and Practices of Kubernetes

Input#

Books#

This week, I took out my Kindle Oasis 2, which I haven't used in a while, cleaned up my account and book categories, and synchronized them with Douban (a Chinese social networking service for book lovers). This way, I can read for about 50 minutes during my daily commute and sometimes read a bit at home. It provides a more immersive and eye-friendly reading experience compared to reading e-books on my phone.

• The Tim Cook Biography: Finished reading it. The book is average, and I feel like it's more of an information dump. However, it did give me a better understanding of Apple after Steve Jobs and the values it upholds.
• Work, Consumerism, and the New Poor: An interesting book. I've read two chapters, and it has inspired me to think about my recent work situation.
• The Grid Writing Method: A small book recommended by Randy. I'll read it this week.

TV Shows#

• The Extraordinary Lawyer Yu Yingyu: I started watching this show because I saw a clip and thought the female lead was cute. I ended up watching it until the latest episode. The autistic lawyer is a fresh perspective, and it's commendable that the show doesn't just focus on the luck of the female lead but also includes other cases related to autism. The main plot is not too complicated, but the romantic storyline between the male and female leads is refreshing and natural.

Movies#

• A Little Bit of Memory: Although I haven't reached the point where I can watch romance movies calmly, I still immersed myself in it. I saw some scenes and appearances similar to those described in "The Bouquet," but with less deliberate fate and sentimentality, and more entanglement between the past and the present in words and actions. Also, the late-night Japanese street scenes completely fulfill all my fantasies about beautiful encounters. I want to go there.
• A Whisker Away: I learned more about the thoughts of cats and the details of living with them that I previously overlooked. It made me consider adjusting before adopting another cat (there is always a sense of betrayal).

Anime#

• League of Legends: Arcane: I wanted to watch it when it was released, but I only caught up now. It's the pinnacle of animation, plot, pacing, and music among the animated shows I've seen in recent years. Although I don't play League of Legends, I may lack some emotional connection to the characters, but I can still see a great story and a grand world that matches it. Looking forward to the next season.
• Summer Ghost: It's getting more and more exciting.

Games#

I suddenly discovered that Douban has a game recording function, so I modified my n8n automation script to add game recording synchronization. I also want to add some relaxing elements to my daily life.

• Disco Elysium: It's a well-known literary game from a couple of years ago. I played a bit on Steam before, but I didn't keep a record. I recently bought the cartridge version for the Switch to play it properly and as a collectible. I've played for about two to three hours and I'm attracted to the art style and the underlying thoughts. I'll play it slowly and maybe write something about it.